Can I just offer this one piece of advice for Michelle Obama? The single, best, most effective thing she can do right now to help her husband's campaign and increase her popularity ratings is to pluck her eyebrows differently.
Right now, her eyebrows angle down in that angry way that cartoonists use to denote anger - even emoticons use downward eyebrows to depict the "bad" or "angry" little round face. It's a simple, visceral facial signal that every human recognizes. Even infants! Michelle, pluck them straight across or with a happy little arch. Let's win in November! All it takes is an intelligently wielded pair of tweezers to bring peace and prosperity back to our nation.
I'm not kidding. This is the kind of thing people in the public eye need to think about.
The same advice can be (and I have) given to Katie Couric and Nicole Kidman, both of whom are suffering from the "Vulcan effect" of collapsing middle brows from over-doses of Botox (which relax the muscles between the eyes and result in an overcompensation by muscles at the ends of the brow). How do I know this? Don't ask.
I doubt Botox is Michelle's problem (although who knows) but the three of them could bring themselves back into public graces by that small adjustment.
What we need is a president who understands that these issues are just as important to the average American (more so in the coastal states) as the wars raging in Iraq and Afghanistan. One can never underestimate the importance of being thin, young and unwrinkled, over the smaller issues of Weapons of Mass Destruction and a lack of Universal Health care.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I Did Understand. I Do Understand. And I Told (You) So. How Bush Created ISIS.
Hey, did you hear (June 16) that 4 Star General David D. McKiernan, Commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan said that the problem in Afghanistan is bigger than just the problems in Afghanistan? As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!" As I would say: "Duh!"
So slowly, slowly, the American military leaders are figuring it out! How great! Even though they were warned that this "bigger problem" issue was made clear to them by every advisor who suggested maybe we shouldn't get mired in another (um, Vietnam) wrong (Vietnam) unwinnable (Vietnam) war, the problems of which were bigger than the country it encompassed (Vietnam).
SO once again, those of us who saw clearly, a mile away (actually half a world away), just via good common sense and also having grown up watching America floundering in Vietnam (that word again!), that entering into a war overseas was painfully, obviously ridiculously idiotic, have to sit and wait and watch as years and years and YEARS later, the American military machine starts admitting that "hey, this ain't workin'".
Of course, as with any admission that one's plan was ill-conceived (moronic), the military on the ground figured this out probably two years ago, and have had to slowly, gently, convince their superiors who have been told by Bush that he wants no negative news out of Iraq, that trying to bring "stability" to the middle east is like herding cats, only the cats have sub-machine guns and shoulder-launched rockets.
These admissions, which you (reader) will start hearing more and more frequently, are the beginnings of the end - the end of denying the realities of the war and a dawning realization that there is no such thing as "winning" in this war. At best, there will eventually be an orderly pull-out leaving behind either an American or UN presence to get shot at by the members of various tribes as civil war breaks out. If only Saddam Hussein was still around! We could have handed this mess right back to him! This place will only be able to survive with some kind of dictator in place, which will occur naturally soon after we leave.
Before McKiernan came on the scene, his predecessor, McNeill (what is it with the Irish?), noticed, gently, quietly, that not only was Afghanistan falling apart (huge rise in the Taliban and Al Quaeda since we invaded to clean them out), but now Pakistan wants to join in the fun - Al Quaeda has a nice firm foothold there now! Send your thanks to Paul Wolfowitz, and to Donald Rumsfeld who dropped our troops into hell, and then put their foot on the gas as they turn their backs on them and sped away.
I'd like to say "I told you so". But who do I say it to? And what's the point?
So slowly, slowly, the American military leaders are figuring it out! How great! Even though they were warned that this "bigger problem" issue was made clear to them by every advisor who suggested maybe we shouldn't get mired in another (um, Vietnam) wrong (Vietnam) unwinnable (Vietnam) war, the problems of which were bigger than the country it encompassed (Vietnam).
SO once again, those of us who saw clearly, a mile away (actually half a world away), just via good common sense and also having grown up watching America floundering in Vietnam (that word again!), that entering into a war overseas was painfully, obviously ridiculously idiotic, have to sit and wait and watch as years and years and YEARS later, the American military machine starts admitting that "hey, this ain't workin'".
Of course, as with any admission that one's plan was ill-conceived (moronic), the military on the ground figured this out probably two years ago, and have had to slowly, gently, convince their superiors who have been told by Bush that he wants no negative news out of Iraq, that trying to bring "stability" to the middle east is like herding cats, only the cats have sub-machine guns and shoulder-launched rockets.
These admissions, which you (reader) will start hearing more and more frequently, are the beginnings of the end - the end of denying the realities of the war and a dawning realization that there is no such thing as "winning" in this war. At best, there will eventually be an orderly pull-out leaving behind either an American or UN presence to get shot at by the members of various tribes as civil war breaks out. If only Saddam Hussein was still around! We could have handed this mess right back to him! This place will only be able to survive with some kind of dictator in place, which will occur naturally soon after we leave.
Before McKiernan came on the scene, his predecessor, McNeill (what is it with the Irish?), noticed, gently, quietly, that not only was Afghanistan falling apart (huge rise in the Taliban and Al Quaeda since we invaded to clean them out), but now Pakistan wants to join in the fun - Al Quaeda has a nice firm foothold there now! Send your thanks to Paul Wolfowitz, and to Donald Rumsfeld who dropped our troops into hell, and then put their foot on the gas as they turn their backs on them and sped away.
I'd like to say "I told you so". But who do I say it to? And what's the point?
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